Sing me a song….

Every mother I have spoken to since I started this baby  journey can always pinpoint certain songs or albums that were around when they were pregnant. There’s something about that time before your baby is born where so many things crystallise and things you took for granted become more meaningful. It’s probably hormones, but I expect it’s also the sense of the enormity of what you’re about to experience that causes you to search for, and find, new meaning in familiar things. For me, words have always been a comfort, but when I was pregnant, music also took on a whole new meaning. The words in them becoming prophetic, touching and incredibly powerful.

There were plenty of songs that made me smile when I was pregnant, and some that still take me back to those strange days before our lives changed in the most wonderful – and profound – way.  Since Munchkin was born I’ve also been blown away by how many ‘love songs’ work equally well as lullabies. Songs about love are indeed about love, but I had never understood that they could be about loving your child, rather than loving another person.

Early on in my pregnancy the song Ho Hey by country folk band The Lumineers was massive, and I played it endlessly. The words weren’t especially romantic, but the chorus got me quite choked up. Whenever I hear it now I still remember those days of touching my growing bump and thinking about the tiny person hiding inside…

“I belong with you, you belong with me, you’re my sweet heart…”

baby-feet-ii

Towards the end of my pregnancy, I was very overdue and desperately trying to avoid being induced – something that was becoming harder and harder as doctors were telling me I simply couldn’t wait any longer. (I ended up waiting for three weeks, but that’s a story for another day). Anyway, I would go tramping around the village at a fair pace, trying desperately to kick-start things. I’d plug in my iPod, turn on the Mumford & Sons album and walk and walk and walk. One afternoon, I Will Wait came on – the words, the frantic pace of the strings and the euphoric chorus was incredibly inspiring at the time. Not only was it fantastic to walk to, it also gave me the strength to trust my body, and my baby, and keep waiting for this baby that I knew was coming, and I knew would change our world…

“…..These days of dust, which we’ve known
Will blow away with this new sun
But I’ll kneel down, wait for now
And I’ll kneel down, know my ground

And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you

Now I’ll be bold, as well as strong
And use my head alongside my heart
So tame my flesh, and fix my eyes
A tethered mind freed from the lies

But I’ll kneel down, wait for now
And I’ll kneel down, know my ground
Raise my hands, paint my spirit gold
And bow my head, keep my heart slow

‘Cause I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you…”

walking bump

Once Munchkin was finally born, after those early few weeks of muddled bliss were over, there was a definite adjustment phase, and some tough times ahead as I learnt to bend to the incredible challenge that becoming a mother is. One morning, tired, emotional and facing another day alone with a small baby, and honestly wondering what on earth I’d thought I was doing having a baby when I was so clearly unprepared and useless at it, this very popular song came on the radio. It was ‘Real Love’ by Tom Odell, the beautiful tune behind last Christmas’s John Lewis advert. I’d heard the song many, many times, but I had never listened to the words. Until that morning. They absolutely spoke to me, and in that moment I finally allowed myself to fall in love with my little girl, and to accept that I was a lot more prepared than I was giving myself credit for. And that, this right now, these moments with her, the way I felt when she smiled at me, or needed me, that was love. That was what everyone had been talking about. Ten months on, I still can’t listen to this without thinking about her.

“…All my little plans and schemes
Lost like some forgotten dream
Seems like all I really was doing
Was waiting for you

Just like little girls and boys
Playing with their little toys
Seems like all they really were doing
Was waiting for love

Don’t need to be alone
Don’t need to be alone
It’s real love
It’s real,
It’s real love
It’s real .. love..”

reallove2

 

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