Sometimes, when you’re talking to your children, it’s easy to use certain phrases that you hear every day or have heard other parents use, without really thinking about them.

I can often be talking to Munchkin and say something, that, with hindsight, was completely stupid, unhelpful, misleading, confusing or plain daft. Phrases, sentences, questions come tripping out of my mouth without much thought. All the time. And then, every now and again you catch yourself and wonder what on earth you were thinking.

Here is a list of idiotic things I have said to my child this past week:

• Stop being childish. (Really, really?)
• Did you mean to drop that on the floor? (Probably. And…?)
• What do you want? (Who knows? Certainly not her.)
• What is the problem? (See above.)
• Why? (If only someone could unpick the logic of the two year old mind…)
• Can you just tell me what you want? (Again, see above.)
• Hurry up (That blissful toddler state of no fixed timings, no need to be anywhere fast should be protected as long as possible…)
• Where are my house keys? (Being as I rarely know the answer to this question, why I would expect her to, I don’t know.)
• Do you want to get out of the paddling pool? (Ummm, duh….)
• I’m not going to say it again (And then I say it, again, and again, and again…)
• Stop crying (Actually, cry harder, that’s right. and fling yourself on the floor. Excellent. Oooh a wail, wonderful….)
• You don’t need to be frightened (Says who? Loud noises are frightening. Actually, so is parenting…)
• That is such a waste of food (Waste….a concept entirely lost on children)

So in summary, it’s best just to smile, and kiss their perfect heads and let your inanity fall on deaf ears…